Monday, 20 February 2012

Creative Consequences and Rewards

I was recently inspired by a article and it's creative consequences found here.  With 4 kids of my own ranging in ages from 7 - 12 the typical time out or grounding just wasn't having the same effect as I wanted it to anymore.  And grounding them for simply calling their sister a retard seemed a little overboard. So I needed something to fill the gaps.  Most of the time they simply need to diffuse themselves from the situation and focus their angry energy upon something else....not SOMEONE else.  So this article got the creative juices flowing.  Introducing our newest additions to the family......

 The Naughty Jar contains chores, acts of kindness and reminders for them.  When they do something unkind, hurtful, disrespectful, ext.. they must pick a task from the jar and they MUST complete it.  If they make a big fuss and refuse they get 2 tasks. If it carries on further they simply get grounded.  They are not all chores or what one might call an actual punishment, some are silly, some are just down right annoying, but it's a way to get them out of the situation and busy with something else.  So far it's working.

Below is a list of the many consequences of the Naughty jar...

Wipe down chairs and table legs
No friends inside
Clean kids bathroom
Go have a bath / shower
write and Sing your mom a song about what u did wrong
Clean Mom and Dad's shower
Give your siblings a hug and tell them why u love them
match socks :)
Write an apology letter
mom picks
empty the dishwasherPlay with sibling (NICELY) for 30 mins
Clean up backyard
Tidy Book Shelf
wash the durango
do 2 easy puzzles or 1 hard one
Clean out the durango
Mercy (look up in dictionary) - read Deuteronomy 4:31 
Clean your room
Forgive (dictionary) - read Matthew 6: 14-15
Watch Barney videos for 10 mins
Anger - Ephesians 4: 31-32  / Psalm 103: 8-10 / Provebs 16: 32
clean microwave
Obedience (dictionary) - John 15: 10-12 / Colossians 3: 20
Read for 15 mins
Compassion (dictionary) - 1 Peter 3: 8 / Hebrews 13: 3
clean the front door 
got to bed 30 mins early
Clean basement
Be the server at dinner today (must set table and all condiments and such)
No video games today
draw and colour a picture of you doing something kind for a sibling
brush both cats

There definitely has been less fighting around here. Within a week my 9 year old son made an acute observation that if we are being "punished" for our bad actions shouldn't we be "rewarded" for the good we do.  I can't fully argue with that theory. However I don't want them to get the idea that they will we rewarded for every good deed they do. Or that they should only do kind things if they expect something in return.   So I agreed and set up a "Nice" jar.  I, as I am sure most parents, want my children to grow up being thoughtful, kind, helpful and generous. Although sometimes they need a little incentive to get their minds thinking that way. The nice jar is a great reminder.  I explained that these are random act that will be rewarded. Not ones in an attempt to gain a reward.  When they go out of their way to to do something kind, helpful, generous or thoughtful and expect nothing in return they may have the opportunity to be rewarded.  And you won't ALWAYS get one.  They can't come and tell me they've done something kind to get rewarded they must do it because they want to help someone out, make someones life a wee bit easier or brighten someones day.  If I notice the kind gesture or act of goodwill or helpful nature I will choose to validate by praise and on occasion they get to pick from the Nice jar.

Here is the list of "Rewards" I came up with 

get extra dessert on dessert night

Stay up 15 mins past bed time

pick from treat bag (treat bag is pilled with chocolate bars)

bake with Mom - u choose

free back massage
Mom must play a game with you of your choice
have a hot chocolate date with Mom or Dad
snuggle time while we watch any show u choose
pick supper one night
Pick dessert for dessert night
free pass - Mom cleans your room
Make Jello
stay up 30 mins past bedtime
Mom picks
1 extra snack in lunch
Free pass on Litter duty
camp out in the basement / outside
have a picnic
Take a cat to bed with you
Water balloons 
everyone plays Charades (15 mins)
30 mins extra electronics time
free pass on making your bed

The kids really do make bigger attempts to be helpful and thoughtful now.   It's a very welcomed change.  I'm not gonna lie, whether u feel it's bribery or not, it's brought a new sense of compassion to my home.  It may be somewhat false in the beginning but they more they're thinking about doing things for others, the more it becomes second nature.
Happy Pinning!!!

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